By Anais Alamo Abraham, DVM
New Year's Eve 2019 was memorable for all the wrong reasons. After a two-year battle with congestive heart failure, an obvious shift was noticed in our dog's behavior. A distended belly and confirmation of abdominal fluid meant that my husband and I knew it was time.
Traditional activities and festivities for New Year's Eve were not planned. The whole day was his.
As a veterinarian, as a pet parent, I knew exactly what I needed to do. Yet it was unfathomable to imagine our lives without him.
I was heartbroken and terrified, struggling internally with the fact that I needed to be strong for my husband.
My husband held him, hugging him tightly until the last beat of his heart. I was simultaneously in shock and at peace. At that moment, I was the veterinarian and my husband the pet owner, and I knew his heart was even more shattered than my own.
We struggled for a while with our loss.
He had been the focus of our relationship from the beginning. He was a part of us. The apartment felt empty, gloomy, sad. I struggled to get home from work. Everything felt so different.
There was an inexplicable void, yet, at the same time, a sense of relief. Our lives had been consumed by his illness. We lived constantly on edge with the progression of his cardiac disease, hyper-vigilant in his care: administer six medications throughout the day, go slow on walks, greet him outside the apartment each time you arrive so he doesn't get too excited, be prepared for a collapse at any time, pray he gets to meet our daughter.
That unfortunately didn't happen. Baby Doggie died when I was three and a half months pregnant.
There is an unfilled void felt daily, and it feels as though he were just here with us yesterday. But my sadness has changed a little, as my heart is now filled with the joy of his memories.
Humane euthanasia brings peace in chaos. It calms the struggles and pains and provides space for healing. And my own experience has enhanced my interactions with clients.
Even more than before, I find myself sympathizing with owners during those times. I want them to know how personal, how heart-wrenching, and how much I truly understand how they feel in that crucial moment of loss.
I have lived those emotions, and they should feel supported during that time.
Humane euthanasia is never easy for a veterinarian to perform. We console clients through difficult decisions daily, reassuring them, alleviating their sadness.
We compartmentalize if needed and find the resilience to continue to move forward, even when it is our own.